Keeper of the Flame
by LittleLadyhawke
Summary: Sometimes, you can only lose so much.


Title: Keeper of the Flame  
  
Author: JB  
  
Feedback: Please R & R  
  
Disclaimer: Owned by CC and 1013  
  
Rating: G  
  
Summary: There's only so much you can lose.  
  
Spoilers: None really  
  
Keeper of the Flame  
  
I heard the knocking at the door before she did. I winked at her and tried to get her attention, but she didn't see me. I called to her, but she didn't hear me. She ran to the door and flung it open. I could tell it wasn't anyone she wanted to see. She turned from the door and resumed her frantic search.  
  
"Dana, what are you doing?" he asked as he moved to stop her frenzied search. I could have told him that was a bad idea, but of course no one saw me. I winked again, but still got no one's attention.  
  
"I lost it! I had it this morning, but now it's gone!" she tore the cushions off of the couch.  
  
"What? What did you lose?"  
  
Her hand automatically went to her neck. That is when he got it.  
  
"You lost your cross," it was a statement, not a question.  
  
Her eyes welled up with tears. Much like that of a child's who had lost or broken her favorite toy.  
  
I called to her again, but she didn't hear me. If only she would move a little to the left.  
  
"Dana, calm down. Where did you last see it?"  
  
Dumb question.  
  
"Around my neck! That is where I last saw it," she was screaming at him, and didn't realize it, "I'm sorry. It's just that...It's just..."  
  
I could see it coming. I knew a total breakdown was straight ahead the kind that is inevitable, unstoppable and intense with raw emotion.  
  
I had been there for these breakdowns more often than not. She would hold me close to her heart as she cried. I was there when Ahab passed on. She held me and I encircled her neck in my loving embrace when Melissa was murdered, and no one would step up to the plate to find her killers. She talked to me long into the night when Emily was given to her and then snatched away. We rejoiced the night she found that she was pregnant, and we mourned the next day as news of Mulder's disappearance reached us.  
  
"I don't know what to do," she sobbed as she fell into her brother's arms.  
  
To his credit, Charlie knew she wasn't just talking about her recent loss, but the loss of Mulder, Emily, Melissa, and all of the other parts of her life that had been sheered away, leaving only the rawest of flesh.  
  
I reach out to her, but she is too far away. I wink again, but she does not see me. I call to her, but she does not hear.  
  
I watch in utter despair as she breaks down without me. I know she needs me.  
  
I need her.  
  
We need each other.  
  
But even more than me, she needs Mulder. She needs to know he is safe. She needs him to hold her in his arms again. The need for her to feel his warmth and hear his voice is almost too painful for her to bear sometimes.  
  
I begin to cry too. I shake and shudder with the pain I feel for her. I know she hurts more often than not. I also know that there is a hope alive inside her that she holds onto with a viselike grip. It is that hope which keeps her going and alive.  
  
How do I know?  
  
I know because I am the keeper of that hope. I help her keep it together. When he is not with her, I am her touchstone and her constant. I am the keeper of the flame so to speak. And now...  
  
"Dana, look. Look over there."  
  
I could see him pointing in my direction.  
  
"There it is on the floor under the table."  
  
He walks over and gently picks me up. After he dusts me off, he examines me for any signs of damage.  
  
I'm fine! Just put me back where I belong! I need to be back home. Now!  
  
As he holds me up for her inspection, I can see the relief flood her azure eyes. I'm here Dana! I'm here!  
  
She turns and holds up her hair in a silent gesture. As he places me around her neck, I whisper comfort in her ear. As soon as I feel my hands clasp around her neck, I enfold her once again in my loving embrace, and I whisper, "It's okay. It's going to be okay." 


End file.
